Parenthood: no one is ever fully prepared; we sure weren’t

You know that old saying that “no one is ever prepared to be parents” well I can tell you that it’s totally true!!! I don’t care how well you eat during your pregnancy, if you had the best and easiest pregnancy, how many diapers you have, how cute the nursery is, how long you have had the car seat installed, or how many prenatal classes you took; when your handed your beautiful baby all of that stuff doesn’t seem like enough.

Especially in our case! I was thrown two wonderful showers and was completely spoiled for our baby boy. Our friends threw us a diaper party (aka a guys version of a baby shower where the guys get together to have a party and they bring diapers for the parents to be). My hospital bag was packed according to the check list given by my OB. I had a plan to do whatever it took to get my son here. I took the best care of myself when I was pregnant; followed all the rules, went to every appointment and took my prenatal vitamins religiously. I got a bill of health for both me and my soon to arrive baby. I was an OB’s dream. My water broke at 39 weeks and two days. I delivered a beautiful 7 pound 5 oz baby boy. All our family and friends where waiting to see us and meet him. We had visitors until 10pm that night. The night went well; both my hubby and I took turns changing diapers and just wanting to cuddle our little man 24/7. That morning as we were getting ready to be discharged the hospital ran some discharge tests.

Then everything went wrong!

Our son’s oxygen levels where in the 60’s they are supposed to be above 90! We were taken into the NICU where they ran more tests. They then video called in an expert on heart conditions. The doctor said “yep it’s TGA, get SickKids on the phone this little guy needs to have surgery ASAP”. (Did your heart just sink? Because you bet ours did!) I knew from that moment things weren’t as normal as the NICU staff made it seem to be. My son was getting prepped to be taken to one of the biggest children’s hospitals in Ontario. All I could do was cry, I could barely stand my legs were so weak and I felt like I was going to throw up. I was in complete shock. When people explain shock as a dream and that you lose all sense of reality they aren’t over exaggerating. A nurse was holding me but I couldn’t feel her rubbing my back or squeezing my hand. My hubby went to call in our parents and my cousin because well honestly we needed them. I sat there talking to my 24 hour old son through the incubator; as the doctors and nurses were doing tests for the SickKids Orange flight team who were now getting prepped to come take my baby back to SickKids with them.

All the sudden I went into complete Mama Bear mood, I got on my phone and started doing research on research, asking all the NICU staff what they needed me to do, where I could get a breast pump, if they had any information on how to establish a milk supply for a hospitalized baby. They of course had most of the answers I was looking for. I heard the doctors on the phone with the Orange Transport Staff saying that they will be in Kingston for him within the next hour; asked if I would be able to fly with him (I’m completely terrified of flying; mad Mama Bear instincts kicked in) the NICU staff didn’t give me the answer I was hoping for. They said that sometime the babies aren’t stable enough for parents to fly with them so they don’t know if anyone would be able to go with him and they then added that I wasn’t yet released from the hospital’s care so it likely wouldn’t be me flying with him. That broken me I went from Mama Bear mood to a sobbing mess.

The “hour” felt like forever, and needed to take a moment; to pee, get something to drink and then somehow call back my friend who called me 6 times wanting to bring us dinner and just love up our baby. I went into the NICU waiting room, sat down and called her I was ready to be all strong and try not to worry her about his situation. She answered with such excitement then she stopped and asked “what’s wrong” again I broke those words when your upset are like the key to water fall city. Through the sobbing all I got out was “his heart, it’s his heart, he needs surgery and he’s being taken by Orange up to SickKids”. She instantly broke down herself and tried to comfort me. Just as she went from her best friend hat to her nursing hat (as she is a RPN) my mom came running in saying the Orange team is here. I told her I had to go and instantly went into Mama Bear mood.

I rushed back into the NICU and there was the SickKids team. I hurried over to be with my son. The nurses were already running their own tests and talking with my hubby. He asked if one of us was allowed to go with him. They said of course and without any hesitation I asked to go! The NICU staff sadly told me that my doctor still hadn’t released me from her care; again I broke. My Hubby said that he was going. They finished their tests and the nurse handed me this yellow bandanna and explained what it was for. It was a scent swatch to help babies stay calm when they are away from their mothers. I was to rub it on myself so it smelled like me and then I was to give it to my son. I did just what the nurse said and handed it to my sweet baby who was all ready in the transport incubator attached to countless monitors and IVs.

Watching him get rolled away, it broke me again my hubby hugged me and said he wouldn’t let anything happen to our baby and that he would fill me in on every detail. Out of the NICU windows I watched the Ambulance drive to the airport with my baby and hubby; where the Orange plane was waiting.

I was released from hospital care shortly after; my mom, mother in-law and I all rushed home to pack bags. My dad had arranged transportation and a hotel for us during the time we were in the NICU. My cousin, cousin in-law and their babies rushed over to see me before we got into the van. They all looked as scared as I was; my cousin in-law hugged me as tight as she could and kept saying words of encouragement and that my baby will be okay. My cousin said that he would call the union hall that him and my hubby work for and let them know what was going on and not to expect him to work for a while. He hugged me one last time and told me to “get up to your son”. We got in the van and started driving to SickKids.

We got to the pit stop as we all needed to pee and get something to eat; it would be my first time eating since the hospital breakfast that was given to me 12 hours earlier. I sat down after using the restroom and getting some food waiting for my mom, mother in-law and our sweet driver to get their Timmies. Then my hubby called; they were at SickKids and he had already talked to a team of doctors. He began to say that they have seen this condition many times before and roughly do 40 to 50 TGA repair surgeries in a calendar year. My fears that our General Hospitals NICU put into my head slowly settled. With tears in my eyes I told him to hug my baby boy and kiss him for me every minute. He put the phone to my son and I told my boy that mommy was coming and it was all going to be okay. We said our see you soon's then hung up. I felt like screaming at them to get back on the road as I could barely stand the thought of not being with my baby when he needed me the most but I kept remembering that breaks help people focus better. We got back on the road and I took a Gravol to try and get some sleep that my body needed so desperately but of course how could I sleep when my mind was running a mile a minute?

We finally got to SickKids and it was 1am. I rushed with my mother in-law into the hospital after giving our wonderful driver a massive hug; who was now taking my mom to the hotel to get the room and our stuff organized. We had to check in at multiple desks for safety reasons it took everything I had to suppress my Mama Bear move out of my freaking way instincts and not go running threw the halls. After what seemed like days I was finally to see my son. He was connected to 3 different IV’s, an oxygen monitor, heart monitor, blood pressure monitor and was on oxygen threw Nasal Cannula. The nurse asked if I wanted to hold him and I must have looked at her like she had nine heads (like yes woman give me MY baby). She pointed to the chair where I sat down and she handed him to me; I felt like a child needing to get permission to hold a baby.

But I honestly didn’t even care! I had my baby boy back in my arms!!